I guess this is where it starts, it feels strange in a way having to even do this. Perhaps “having to” doesn’t quite fit, but it feels that way. I think living in this era of digital innovation there’s this idea that people are even more connected than ever, but strangely I have never felt more alone. Having to live with an invisible illness can make it hard to interact with people, because I look fine but inside I’m truly anything but fine. And as time has gone by I’ve found that friends slowly start to drift away, probably because they find it hard to constantly have to hear about my problems. Even opening up and having the dismissive retort has made me slowly start to back off, and thus close up. Yet, it’s strange I need to tell someone. I feel this strange need to talk about all the mundane little problems going on in my life, to let someone know about my new interests, about that new book that I just feel in love with. I need to complain about my pain for what seems like the millionth time, without having to worry that they are judging me or brushing me aside. That’s why I’m beginning this, just a random place that I can share whatever I want without having to beg for some response or get blown off by friends who could care less. I think that’s another reason why living in this era is hard, if whatever you say isn’t jarring enough, funny enough or dramatic enough your friends will just brush right past it. Everyone is so used to just scrolling by hitting like and not even truly having to respond or hear the other person out.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m aware that, basically, I just want to complain. I guess, I do. More than anything I simply want to be heard.
Into The Void 